My Soul to Keep
by amber2
Summary: It's the first day to the rest of their lives or is it? Non yaoi story so Yaoi fans will want to pass.
1. Default Chapter Title

My Soul to Keep  
By: Amber  
  
  
  
The couple meandered through the garden as if they were in a world all their own watching them brought an ache to his chest that he really couldn't understand. Eyes of jade glistened with tears at the inexplicable emotion whether it was his own aloneness stretched out indefinitely before him or the bittersweet knowledge that everyone seemed to have found someone to ease their loneliness but him he couldn't tell. Some sixth sense had Trowa straitening a split second before arms wrapped around one of his.   
  
Catherine looked up at the stars glittering before allowing her gaze to sweep the garden landing on Heero and Relena. " They look almost magical together don't they," she murmured. Catherine sighed,"I confess though more than once I though Lena was nuts waiting on him like she did."  
  
Trowa's gazed studied the couple below in silence as they moved back into the ballroom.   
"Heero just needed time to discover the good inside that Miss Relena saw all along."  
  
Catherine squeezed his arm. "The war took so much from us all but you Gundam pilots suffered the most." Trowa turned his head pulling his hand from his pocket he lifted her chin to stare at her intently. "You and Quatre are happy together aren't you?"  
  
Catherine's sunny nature returned as she smiled happily. "O yes who would have thought   
I'd find love with the boy who almost killed my little brother but I'm so happy it's scary." Trowa's mouth curved slightly in a half smile. "I'm glad."  
  
Catherine's smile dimmed slightly as a frown started. "Trowa you.." Trowa interrupted her by pulling his remaining hand from his pockets and cupping her elbow. "We should go back in now the way Heero and Relena are acting it wouldn't surprise me to hear an announcement tonight."  
  
  
  
Relena and Heero stood to the side his arm around her waist as they contentedly watched  
the dancers move about the room. He turned his eyes from a thorough sweep of the crowd even during peace some habits never die to glance at the small enigmatic smile gracing Relena's face. As if feeling his gaze she turned and quirked an eyebrow quizzically.   
  
"What are you smiling about?"  
  
She bit her lip a moment, "when you were little Heero before the training I mean. Did you ever pray before going to sleep at night?"  
  
"Hn?" Heero looked at her blanker than usual. She smiled ruefully, "never mind it's not important just a thought."   
  
"What?" His tone altered slightly with curiosity. "Well she began hesitantly, when things were so new and we were still finding our way. Some times I didn't know if I would see the end of the day and each night that I survived one more day I prayed to god that if I had to go tomorrow to please just let me meet your soul on the other side when it was your time."  
  
She lifted her hand and brushed his bangs back. " Just now I was thinking we made it and now that it's time to share our news with all our friends I realized that this was too important to wait till tonight that I wanted to say my prayer before we make our announcement." She laughed a little, "you must think I'm silly?"  
  
His mouth quirked a bit at the side he took her hand in both of his and brought it to his chest. "How does this prayer go?"  
  
She blushed giggling self -consciously. "Well um. Now I lay me down to sleep,I pray my lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray my lord my soul to take. She turned solemn, once I met you I changed it though it was no longer I but our."  
  
Heero cupped her face, "he can't have my soul." Relena opened her mouth but he shook his head stopping her words. "My soul has been yours since the day we met." He leaned in and brushed her lips softly. A tear slid down her face causing Heero to smile slightly as his thumb lifted to brush it away. The music prompt had Heero assuming his mask once more. "That's your cue."  
  
Relena smiled ruefully and assumed a pleasant yet distant expression. "Sure you won't join me?" Hero smirked. She shrugged slightly, "ok it was worth a shot." Relena scanned the ballroom and caught sight of Milliardo and Noin. They gave her a slight nod as she and Heero made their way to the front of the ballroom catching the maestro's eye she nodded. At his signal the music died and Relena took her place at the podium.   
  
Clearing her throat, "ladies and gentleman I want to thank you for joining us once again for our annual get together." She scanned the crowed seeking out the familiar faces of Duo and Hilde, Sally and Wufei, Quatre, Catherine and Trowa and giving them and extra wide smile before once more resuming her speech. "This year is extra special for me as I have been asked." She grinned mischievously, "most persuasively she gave Heero a side long glance to become Mrs. Heero Yuy and I have accepted so after finishing out the year I will be taking a sabbatical to concentrate on starting my own family."   
  
Relena turned holding out her hand to Heero. He hesitated a second before taking her hand and joining her at the podium. The clapping started slowly before gaining enthusiasm when a scream erupted silencing the crowd. At the sound Heero stepped in front of Relena shielding her body.   
  
"Noo the Queen must remain if we can't have her than no one shall." Holding up his arm he pressed the detonator button as Heero swung around love, determination and for a second something Relena would recognize later as fear flickered in his eyes before he slammed into her and the blast of the bomb flung them across the room and then all that was left was the silence.  
  
  
  
  
  
author note:  
I dont know why I'm writing this maybe to see if I can usually I lean toward 3x4 so Quatre and Trowa fans please dont lynch me. I wanted to try something new.   
  
  
  
  



	2. Default Chapter Title

My Soul to Keep  
By Amber  
  
  
The waiting room hours later was a grim place those within paced the floor, slumped against one another, or stared shell shocked into space. The doctor entered the and everyone leapt up as his gaze swept the room taking in those within it was quite a collection of whose who one of Fortunes 500, Preventers, Gundam Pilots and Princes. Speaking of princes, he searched for the Minister's brother and once he found him his eyes signaled him for private moment. Milliardo stepped forward only to have Noin grab his arm.   
  
"We're all friends and family here there's no need for secrecy." Zechs turned his head to meet her gaze and nodded resignedly.   
  
The Doctor acquiesced, "the minister is in stable condition the head trauma was what we're most concerned about but the swelling is minimal, her eyes suffered the most damage in the blast but to what extent we wont know until she regains consciousness. She has some burns and cuts but those are superficial in nature and will heal without scarring."  
  
Duo stepped forward. "And Heero? What about Heero Yuy?"   
  
The Doctor closed his eyes regretfully, "Mr. Yuy expired not long after he arrived in the ER we did everything we could however his internal injuries were such that we couldn't stop the bleeding. I understand from all accounts of the explosion his body took the brunt of it I've been told he and the minister were engaged I'm so sorry for your loss.   
  
Duo swung around and punched the wall as Hilde started crying softly. Trowa stared blankly into the distance as his way isolating himself in his grief. Quatre awkwardly patted Catherine's shoulder trying to offer her what comfort he could while crying silently himself.   
  
Zechs started to speak then cleared his throat to try again. "May my wife and I see my sister please," he said hoarsely.   
  
The doctor pinched the bridge between his nose and eyes and nodded tiredly. "She's unconscious right now she won't know you're there but a few moments won't hurt." The doctor gazed around the room. "There's no reason why you can't all go home and get some rest she's not in any danger I doubt she'll wake tonight." The doctor eyed Wufei intently. "I'd get that leg looked at before you leave young man it looks like it needs some stitching."   
  
Sally nodded shakily, "we'll see to it doctor before we leave."   
  
Zechs nodded to the doctor, "we'll be right with you a moment if you please." He paused before leaving, "this insanity left me plenty of patients and I must get back so I'll simply say again my deepest sympathies for your loss." Before pulling the door quietly behind him.   
  
He rubbed his face then pulled Lucrezia into a hug holding her to his side he looked around the room. "I think it's safe to say we're Heero's family so we'll make all the necessary arrangements." He shook his head, "god what a mess it's lucky that damn fool blew himself up as well or I would kill him myself. Christ how can we tell her?"   
  
Lucrezia shook her head wearily. "One thing at a time she said hoarsely." He nodded, "your right but god she was so happy she glowed Lu."   
  
"Shssh I know let's not keep the doctor waiting."  
  
"I should do something about Heero she would want me to take care of Heero for her."   
  
She shook her head, "it's all right we will. Morning is soon enough Heero would want you to make sure Relena is alright first anyway."   
  
He nodded then let her guide him to the door. At the door Lucrezia turned. "Your welcome to go to the house theres plenty of room just tell Pagan. It's so late she faltered. And I think truthfully we need each other right now more than ever." Her smile wobbled before it faltered and died. The door closing was all that broke the lengthening silence brought on by grief.   
  
Sally pushed herself up and tried to assume some semblance of calm. "Wufei and I are going down to the ER he needs to have that looked at then we'll meet you back at the mansion." Wufei frowned, "stop fussing onna it's fine."  
  
"Wufei! Her voice cracked, please lets just get it seen so we can go." His expression softened and he nodded silently. "Only if you let them examine your arm."   
  
Quatre stood and pulled Catherine to her feet. "Let's go you girls need some rest, I think we're all going to need it for what's to come."   
  
Hilde pushed herself up and nodded glancing sadly at Duo she clasped her hands to stop their shaking. "Duo," she whispered. Tense shoulders held their stance for a moment before he slumped his head drooped. Swinging around he met her tear stained face with red-rimmed eyes and nodded hugging her close they headed for the door when Catherine pulled from Quatre's arms and turned.   
  
"Trowa?" She questioned hesitantly.   
  
He turned his face from gazing out the window to meet their concerned gaze. " I'm going to stay a bit longer." Catherine walked over to him she stopped close enough to see into his eyes. His face might remain impassive but his eyes were truly the windows into his soul. So sad, so grief stricken, so worried. "Trowa their not going to let anyone but her family see her tonight."   
  
He nodded, "I know I'll just keep an eye on things tonight and make sure she remains undisturbed. "   
  
Catherine grabbed his hand tightly. "Trowa you think they might try again even with all the guards outside?"   
  
He shrugged, "no I think it was one lone psycho but this is all I can do for Heero." Trowa gently brushed some of the soot from her cheek. "Go Quatre will take care of you." Trowa looked up at Quatre silently waiting until he nodded his promise.   
  
"Trowa."   
  
"Sshssh go it's all right." She shook her head. "No it's not." He tucked a strand of her hair back. "No it's not but all we can do is go on."   
  
  
  
She slowly swam to the surface of consciousness; only to encounter total darkness she truly couldn't understand why she couldn't see. Then it all came rushing back to her, she whimpered straining to pick up some sign that he was here with her she laid there biting her lip to control the panic. "Heero?" She said her tone hopeful.   
  
"No," came softly. A slight frown creased her brow. "Trowa?"   
  
He started but then he sighed silently, perception was just one of Relena's amazing qualities. He had been hoping she would sleep through out the night and the inevitable questions would be saved for her brother. The yes reached her after a slight pause equally as silent as his previous answer without her eyes she strained to understand something in his tone. Weariness made sense, sadness was always evident Trowa wore it like armor. Grief?  
  
"Trowa," her voice cracked thinly. "Where is Heero? O God tell me Heero is alright." Relena tried to push herself up fumbling weakly with the covers the IV tilted crazily she swung her legs off the bed. "Trowa her voice cried where is Heero?" She felt his hand and jumped.  
  
"Stop he soothed and I'll tell you." She fumbled before grabbing his hand tightly.  
  
"Why are you here? Where's my brother? Where is Heero? Trowa what's going on she trailed off?"  
  
"Lay back," he insisted gently extracting his hand. "Do you think Heero would want you hurting yourself anymore than you already are?"   
  
She let him press her back he straightened her IV and untwisted the covers smoothing them once more over her body. She felt him move back and made a grab for his hand once more managing to catch the edge of his sleeve and forearm. He stilled guiding her hand to his. "Please she whispered, you're frightening me he's all right isn't he Trowa? Trowa?"  
  
"Do you want me to call your brother for you and you can talk to him?"   
  
Her hand clenched on his her nails digging into his skin. "No I want to know how Heero is."   
  
She felt him sigh his breath gently teased the strands of hair around her face. " Heero was caught in the blast just as you were. His injuries were much more serious than yours Relena they couldn't stop the bleeding."  
  
"No, no, no, no. " She whispered rolling her head back and forth.   
  
"Relena I'm sorry." He moved to sit on the bed careful of her IV he pulled her close, once she was settled he rhythmically stroked her hair offering her what comfort he could while she cried.  
  
  
  
  
author note: Still not sure where I'm going with this.. But I hope its not boring.  



	3. Default Chapter Title

My Soul to Keep  
By Amber  
  
  
"All right Ms. Darlian I'm removing the bandages, I'd like for you to keep your eyes closed until I say open them. We're going to gradually increase the light level I want you to tell me as soon as see anything. All right open your eyes. There should be some tearing that's natural it's nothing to become alarmed at." The doctor nodded at the nurse as she steadily increased the light level in the room. The doctor and the nurse exchanged looks as they waited. "Ms. Darlian anything?"  
  
"No nothing." He took out a penlight flicking it back and forth across first one eye and then the other.   
  
"So I'm blind," she asked indifferently? He leaned back against his desk motioning his head the nurse nodded and left the room.   
  
"Technically Ms. Darlian your eyes have healed nicely there is still some redness and a bit of swelling but there is no medical reason I can see why you shouldn't have your sight. Or at least be seeing shapes and shadows."   
  
Relena's mouth quirked derisively, "so your saying I'm not blind but crazy?"  
  
He sighed, "not at all you've went through a terrible ordeal our psyche has many ways of dealing with trauma that the medical field even in this age can't explain. I suggest you take some time and rest allow your body and mind to heal and if I may suggest a therapist to help you deal with your grief bottling it up inside isn't healthy."   
  
"Ahh." Relena pushed herself up from the chair and nodded. "I'll think about it."   
  
He watched her face thoughtfully then nodded he had put it out there in the open the rest she would have to do herself. "In the mean time." He stood and walked around his desk. "Lets give your eyes a while longer to heal." He pulled out some sunglasses. Coming back around he took her hand and placed them within. "Lets schedule to get you back in here for another check up in two weeks."   
  
Relena put the glasses on and nodded, "of course call my secretary and schedule the appointment."  
  
  
1 Month later  
  
  
Zechs disconnected the phone and just sat there staring into space. He never heard the door open and close silently until small hands slipped around his neck from behind hugging him gently. "What's wrong?"   
  
His hand rose clasping her arms. "She didn't go again that was the doctor's office she never showed. We're loosing her." His head fell back against the back of the chair. "Hell she's already gone," he finished on a sigh.   
  
Lucrezia laid her face against his. "No I don't believe that the girl who never gave up on anyone or thing is still in there. It's not even been a month Zechs she's hurting and wounded but she will heal I believe that because the alternative isn't acceptable."   
  
"I tried to get the doctor to tell me about her eyes he refused once she regained consciousness patient doctor confidentiality entered the picture." he said conversationally.   
  
Lucrezia sighed, "you make things so difficult for yourself did you just ask her?" He took her hand and pulled her around into his lap. "Of course I asked. And then Catherine, and Hilde I think even Sally gave it a shot finally they pulled out the big guns and sent in Duo he got more than they did true but not much more she told him they said her eyes need a bit more rest."   
  
She cupped his face with her hand. "Well there you are."   
  
"That's when Duo hacked into the doctor's computer."   
  
"Zechs!"   
  
"What I didn't tell him to."   
  
She frowned, "well?"   
  
"Well what?"   
  
"What did he find?"   
  
"Medically there is no reason she can't see they feel it's some sort of hysterical blindness they urged her to seek counseling. We can't even get her in there for a check up much less talk about Heero's death."  
  
Lucezia laid her head on his shoulder. "Maybe the dinner tonight with everyone will help." He lifted her hand and brushed his lips across her knuckles. "I hope your right," he murmured doubtfully.  
  
  
  
Relena sat in the chair cooling air around her told her the sun had gone down long ago. The sounds of the night only confirmed it. Thoughtfully she supposed she should feel allot more devastated about her sight than she did but when you've lost the man you love somehow it seemed more like penance. Distantly she considered going down for dinner she had selfishly worried everyone enough lately they would be arriving by now she imagined. Being at the back of the house overlooking the garden insured her quiet and solitude so she wouldn't be disturbed by anyone coming and going. Then hard on the heels of that thought came the realization that she made an easy target sitting out here on the balcony. She shrugged o well at the moment that didn't seem like such a loss really she just didn't have the energy to bother. Relena tilted her head back and closed her eyes O Heero I can't do this without you at least before I had the knowledge if you weren't with me you were still out there somewhere. To never see you or feel you again tears slid silently down her face. "I don't want to be a part of a world without you," she whispered. "What I would give to see your eyes one more time."  
  
The doors swung open and everyone looked around expectantly. Zechs slumped then quirking his eyebrow inquiringly "Well?"  
  
Pagan bowed, "the maid knocked sir but got no answer I instructed her to enter. Ms.  
Relena is sitting on the balcony."  
  
He nodded, "very well you may start serving apparently she wont be joining us. Please make sure someone takes my sister a tray."  
  
He bowed again, "very good sir."  
  
Wufei slapped the table, "what nonsense doesn't the woman know she has people worried about her." They all turned and stared at him incredulous. "What?" He glared at them daring them to comment before crossing his arms he turned his head. "This brings no honor to Heero's memory he would want her to be strong."  
  
Duo's lips quirked, "Wu-man keep that up bud and people will think you care." Wufei leaned forward rubbing his thumb across the dinner knife. "Baka do not call me wu-man."  
  
Sally touched his arm to calm him. "She knows Wufei sometimes when we loose those close to us normalcy feels like a betrayal and moving on she eyed him intently seems like forgetting them."  
  
Quatre bit his lip hesitantly, "what did the doctor's examination reveal?"  
  
Lucrezia shrugged, "she didn't go." Hilde searched the faces worriedly. "Maybe it's simply to soon maybe we're expecting too much from her."  
  
"No Duo murmured, there's something not right here." Wufei frowned, "of course not some psycho blew up a ballroom full of people and killed our friend."  
  
"No I see what Duo means." Catherine frowned thoughtfully tapping her finger against her glass while she put her thoughts into words. "Each time one of us talks to Relena about our concerns she takes a different tact one specifically geared to work for that person. So she's still in there she's not crazy with grief. Trowa what .." Catherine frowned and searched the room. "Where's Trowa?"  
  
Zechs gestured toward the door. "He left shortly after Lu told everyone about Relena missing her doctor appointment."  
  
  
  
  
  
author note: Yes in this story Heero is deceased Sorry I don't always kill him trust me Heero is my favorite character and 1xR my favorite pairing but this time I felt challenged to write something a tad different   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Default Chapter Title

My Soul to Keep  
By Amber  
  
  
He caught the servant going up the stairs and took the tray from her. Tapping on the door he waited for acknowledgement then realized she wasn't going to answer. Opening the door he quickly scanned the room that was her sanctuary. No it was an escape from reality now.   
  
He looked around the room with interest once he realized she wasn't within done in blues and greens it was soothing a servant must have turned a lamp on near the bed because it looked inviting urging one to draw near. The occasional stirring of the curtains by the evening breeze just added to the calming effect. On the walls were several watercolors as well as seascapes. Placed in the center of a huge bed was from what he could see the one lone hold out from childhood into woman. A small brown bear looking somewhat forlorn lost amongst the vastness of the bed. Trowa smiled sadly not hard to guess her fascination with the seascapes everyone knew that was where Relena first met Heero. He fell from the sky and washed ashore on the beach. But the bear eluded him maybe it was a gift from her adopted parents. He sighed as he nudged the door closed who was he to tell someone how to live their life. He didn't have the answers either he just took one day at a time, but somehow one of them had to reach her. He'd listen and watch after all that was what he was good at then.. Well then he could better understand what was needed he moved further into the room.  
  
There was another door partially closed he supposed it was the bathroom it seemed empty as well. He headed toward the balcony pausing briefly he sat the dinner tray down on a desk before pausing in the doorway. He watched her through the curtain, head tilted back face serene no one would guess her world had been torn apart yet again. Pushing aside the curtain he joined her on the balcony leaning against the rail he watched her body gradually tense and her eyes slide open. Pushing his hands in his pockets he studied changes that were subtle only to those who knew her well.   
  
"We missed you at dinner," he offered quietly.   
  
"Trowa," she murmured. Then gradually relaxed back into her chair. "I'm sorry I just didn't seem to have the energy tonight to reassure everyone."  
  
He tilted his head thoughtfully, "is it about reassuring them? Just being with them would probably suffice no one expects a performance." She still stared silently into the night so he tried another tact.   
  
"How was your doctor's appointment?" Relena didn't smile but she sounded amused in spite of herself. "Aahh well as you already know I didn't go Trowa."  
  
"Why?" She shrugged delicately, "succinct and to the point as always I'll reciprocate. What's the point?"  
  
Trowa narrowed his eyes,"a great many of us care. But you already know that and it doesn't seem to make a difference. So I'll ask you this what would Heero say if he could see you now?"  
  
Relena inhaled sharply, "low blow Trowa I could easily see Wufei saying that her lips tightened painfully if I could see that is. But I didn't think you could be so cruel."  
  
Trowa closed his eyes and swallowed painfully he truly didn't want to hurt her there had been enough pain already. "Not cruel." He turned back to study her reaction to his words. "Just realistic. Heero's last thoughts and actions were of you when you take the time to realize what you're doing to his last gift to you. You will only hate yourself more than you already do."  
  
Tears silently slid down her face. "That would be some feat. You know I adored Heero from the moment I saw him and it grew steadily from there. I prayed to the creator nightly to keep Heero safe and for him to return my feelings. And he survived Trowa in spite of everything he survived the wars and by some miracle I finally got him to let me in. But God answers sharp and sudden on some prayers, And thrusts the thing we have prayed for in our face, A gauntlet with a gift in it." She quoted. "How ironic I got what I yearned for only to destroy it later."  
  
He tilted his head slightly trying to understand. "Would you change it Heero felt you were his light would you have left him alone in his darkness then?" She looked down and a sheaf of thick blonde hair slid forward like a curtain frustrating his attempts to see into her eyes. "I would have him alive."  
  
There was nothing he could say to that Heero was dead and the dead don't return not in real life she didn't need him to re-emphasize the obvious she more than anyone else lived with that painful reality.   
  
"I brought you some dinner." She lifted her head and turned toward his voice. "Thank you maybe later."  
  
His lips titled slightly how did he know she would say that. "All right then they'll just be up later if I don't tell them I saw you eat something." She must have heard the amusement in his voice because she sighed loudly weighing the lesser of two evils.   
  
"Very well." Pushing herself up she stretched out her hand, moving forward she encountered warm flesh. "O I'm sorry."  
  
He shrugged knowing she felt the movement. "It's all right, three steps to your left, once your inside it's sitting on the desk."  
  
She made her way to the desk and after fumbling a few moments seated herself. "You don't have to stay I give you my word I will eat."  
  
"I don't mind." She tensed a moment as he continued. "Do you want me to go?" Then relaxed once she realized he wasn't offering to feed her.  
  
When she didn't say anything he prompted her. "Is it that difficult a question?"  
  
"No she sighed, not really but you don't have to pity me Trowa in all the years. I think I can count on both hands the number of times we've talked to one another. You've done your duty to Heero you can go if you wish."   
  
He sat on the corner of her desk crossing his arms he looked down gathering his thoughts. "It's hard not to feel sorrow for you, for us we lost a friend, another is in pain. If we didn't feel something what kind of human beings would we be? What I'm feeling isn't pity or obligation. As for talking too many people talk endlessly without saying anything, if I have something to say I do so if not." He shrugged carelessly, "I don't. I find no discomfort in silence."   
  
She put her eating utensils aside and rested her clenched hands beside the tray looking down to hide her thoughts she probed. "Then Why? That night at the hospital, after the funeral, now I just don't understand why bother?"  
  
He slid off the desk. At the sound her head snapped up in his direction. He came around and knelt beside her chair taking his hand he gently turned her head so he could study her face closely. "I think that discussion is better left for another day." Brushing her hair back behind her shoulders he looked at her tray. "No more talk eat, you can worry about what I'm up to later." Standing he moved away to give her the chance to eat leaning against the balcony door he watched the emotions chase across her face with something akin to relief. Maybe just maybe, they were moving back from the precipice they were all teetering on.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Author note: Many portray Trowa as a silent sphinx and to some extent he is but he also has quite a bit to say when he chooses to and he's very eloquent about expressing himself when he does. That is the Trowa I've chosen for this story. So if you view this as OOC my apologies this is how I see Trowa and for this story this is how he will be. I hope those of you reading will still enjoy this anyway. And for those that caught my errors thank you my Beta reader is on vacation so I'm writing at night and by the time I finish I'm pooped.  
  
  
"God answers sharp and sudden on some prayers, And thrusts the thing we have prayed for in our face, A gauntlet with a gift in it." Aurora Leigh. Book i  
  



	5. Default Chapter Title

My Soul to Keep  
By Amber  
  
  
He moved swiftly through the crowded street intent on making his meeting in a timely manner with as few distractions as possible. When he reached his destination a subsidiary for the Winner Corp he paused in front of the massive chrome and glass building blazoned with the name and logo above the doors. Trowa stared upward in awe before he finally lost the building within the clouds. Oblivious to the impatient pedestrians brushing pass him his eyebrow rose at Quatre's idea of a small holding. Taking the elevator he shot straight up, two secretaries and an assistant later he finally reached the inner sanctum. Once he was cleared through the assistant he assured her he could find his own way.   
  
Closing the door he only had to wait a second before Quatre glanced up and smiled. "Trowa welcome I'm almost finished."   
  
He shrugged, "no problem."   
  
"Any trouble finding it?" Trowa's mouth smiled slightly, "no but sometime we have to have a talk about your definition of small."   
  
Quatre smiled, "I guess compared to our other holdings I tend to see it as small he said modestly. I'm so pleased you called me I didn't think the circus was scheduled here for another week?"   
  
Trowa eyed him speculatively. "No? As interested as you are in Catherine I'm surprised." Trowa watched him blush with some amusement before casually changing the topic. "I saw on the newsvid Relena went back to work."   
  
Quatre frowned, "she goes into the office, Ms. Lucrezia goes over various documents with her that require her signature then leaves or so I'm told. But."   
  
"But?" Trowa prompted.   
  
"I'm worried her sight hasn't returned and she's still refusing a doctor of any kind."   
  
"Is that why you've stayed here this long on earth?" Quatre stood moving to the window he stared out into the horizon. "Partially Dorothy called me last week." Trowa drew closer sitting on the corner of the desk. "I didn't know you kept in touch."   
  
He shrugged, "we don't not really we see each other at various functions, we have common political interests but that's about it. She kept in touch with Miss Relena more than anyone she called me because she knew I had at least seen Relena. Apparently she's been trying to reach her with no success Miss Lucrezia and Zechs don't really care for her so their not very forth coming."   
  
"So she's not calling he shrugged not extraordinary under the circumstances." Quatre sighed before turning to face him; "apparently she felt alarmed enough to contact me. Dorothy has been uncomfortable with me since Libra so she doesn't willingly initiate contact with me if she can avoid it."   
  
Quatre rubbed the back of his neck tiredly, "so in the months since we were last together nothing has improved. Yes she went back to work but I think that was more for others than herself." He lifted his head and met Trowa's eyes worriedly. "The spark is gone." He gestured with his hand helplessly trying to explain the inexplicable. "I get a sense of people in different ways with Relena she blazes like a star it warms and beckons. I never told anyone this I."   
  
He hesitated uncertain drawing a steadying breath he searched Trowa's face intently. Trowa sat there silent, patiently letting him decide what he chose to confide. He began hesitantly not wanting to awaken painful memories.   
  
"Right after I went crazy, after we battled, Heero and I were captured. They confiscated Wing of course they were fascinated. Surprisingly enough they also had your suit or what was left." He swallowed painfully his voice dropping to a whisper. "I broke away I just needed to make sure you were." Then shook his head forcing himself on. "They were going to kill Heero and I when the tide turned. The Trieze faction gained the upper hand and we were taken this time to the scientist. Allah knows how they managed to survive but they did. The situation didn't remain stable for long because Oz recovered almost immediately and we exchanged ourselves to prevent further bloodshed. It was no surprise they were equally fascinated with Wing Zero. Oz wanted to get a sense of how it reacted with different Gundam pilots. They hooked Heero up to Wing and that's when things went crazy for a while I thought we were both history he wiped out most of the satellite. I thought he was going to destroy me as well when suddenly I felt something change it was." He shook his head falling silent at a loss for words.   
  
"Go on Trowa urged softly, something changed."   
  
He nodded, "the cockpit opened and he fell out." He looked at Trowa his eyes haunted with memories. "I've never seen anything like it Trowa when I got to him he was glowing he murmured a name I didn't make the connection until later but when I touched him.. I felt it again stronger this time through him. I mean it was him yet not him. It was Heero yet more it was stronger richer it was.. Beautiful" Quatre lifted his hand unknowingly mimicking his actions of so long ago. "We went to Earth after that he smiled sadly and that's where I felt it again when I met Relena."   
  
Trowa frowned. Quatre stood abruptly, "That spark. That which is so uniquely Relena is like a candle now Trowa in all the time I've known her it burned so brightly now it's nearly extinguished."   
  
"Quatre." He walked over to him clasping his shoulder. "I don't pretend to understand what your saying but it doesn't mean I doubt you."   
  
"I know." He forced a smile, "my sisters say I mother hen too much. But I've had this all my life it's as natural for me as breathing it's not that I mean to intrude but." He trailed off as Trowa slowly dropped his hand and moved away. "Trowa, I've noticed a change in you as well.   
  
"Quatre," his tone warned. He ignored him and plunged on, "their warm and gentle it's similar to what I pick up from you when Catherine is around except this is much more intense. Trowa I'm worried about you, for her there is no one but Heero especially now."   
  
He turned looking over his shoulder. "I know."   
  
"Trowa," he shook his head sadly.   
  
He looked down pushing his hands in his pockets, "like you said you can't help being drawn to her. Her smile alone offers everything I've ever wanted but knew I'd never have. I always admired her she was an ideal critical to peace but gradually.. He smiled, I never thought about it until recently."   
  
Quatre blinked suddenly making the connection. "Her birthday party O no then a month later they announce their engagement." Trowa looked up, steadily meeting his gaze neither confirming nor denying it. But Quatre noticed he was strangely at peace about it. Still his heart ached for both of his friends Relena because she was already hurting. And Trowa well the path he had chosen would be a difficult one if not impossible. Quatre smiled sympathetically offering the only consolation he could. "I think Heero would be comforted knowing you care."   
  
  
  
  
The moon slid through the sheer curtains gradually creeping toward the bed's restless occupant serene in her indifference to the night terrors plaguing the one within her silvery light was not without some mercy though. Darkened circles evident in the light of day seemed less noticeable in the shadows, prominent bones and hollows in her face that weeks of grief produced were not as brutal in the murky light.  
  
But where the moons reflection could be viewed as sympathetic the young woman's mind was not. Unrelenting there was no escaping the constant onslaught of memories that were both a curse and a blessing. Moaning she rolled again becoming tangled in the covers, she seemed to settle for a while before the assault began again with no relief in sight her mind and body all ready pushed past her physical limits sought the only option open to express herself.   
  
Relena shifted restlessly her head turned. Smiling she looked into eyes so blue she had only seen them on one person. She lifted her hand to cup his face when his expression flinched blood poured from his mouth. Whimpering she reached for him only to have him move further away shaking off her shock she went to step forward when she noticed the blood soaking his shirt. Taking a jerky step forward she grabbed him with shaking hands she frantically searched his bloody body for a wound some sign of where he was hurt. Chanting his name like a litany she looked up at his face only to see eyes that once burned fiercely now lifeless and glassy in death. She couldn't help it then sheer horror and denial took over and Relena gave voice to her pain, anger, and her grief.  
  
Snapping up in the bed Relena screamed over and over before her nightmare retreated in the foggy recesses of her mind slowly the realization that she had been dreaming once again returned her to the present. Detached she heard the door click open and sensed movement a split second before arms enfolded her in a comforting embrace the familiar scent of her brother offered a temporary solace from the pain. Burrowing her face in the crook of his neck Relena resigned herself to enduring the endless ache grabbing for a moments respite she borrowed some of her brother's strength and let the hot tears bath them both as she mourned her lost love and all those lost tomorrows together.   



	6. Default Chapter Title

My Soul to Keep  
By Amber  
  
  
  
  
The soft tap on the door persisted without abating she sighed apparently whomever it was assumed along with her eye sight she lost her hearing as well. Relena swiveled her chair around feeling along the edge of the desk to make sure she was facing the direction of the door. "Enter."  
  
"Ms. Darlian Mr....."   
  
"No need to introduce me she knows me." Duo slipped past the secretary seeing her frown he gave her a wink and a mischievous grin before cupping her elbow to guide her to the door. "There's no need for me to trouble you any more I'll take good care of her." He pushed the door closed and wiggled his fingers goodbye.   
  
"Duo she chided, that wasn't very kind Ms Carnes doesn't know what to make of any deviation from the structured routine." He shrugged regardless of her not seeing it and collapsed in a chair. "I got tired of being refused admittance." An edge of hurt crept into his voice.   
  
"Duo she began hesitantly, I would never deliberately hurt you I'm sorry." He studied her expression intently. "But you would avoid me if you felt I was here to lecture." Relena smiled ruefully. "Me? Would I do that deny myself you and Milliardo doing a two-part harmony of the same old song?"   
  
"Relena he frowned, Walsh is taking over more and more of your duties." She shrugged. "He's competent enough and ambitious he'll go far."   
  
Duo hopped up and paced restlessly. "If your not careful he'll take your job."   
  
She shook her head, "no he won't he already has it." Duo swung around. "What?"   
  
"I said he already has it the idea is a gradual fazing out of the Peacecraft era and him assume my duties. Of course he'll have to win the election for himself next month then he just has to sit tight through the final month of my term. Whether he wins or not is it's up to the voters."   
  
"You trust this guy?"   
  
"Of course her eyebrow lifted Walsh wants what he thinks is the so-called power with a minimum of waves. He'll continue on the path I've mapped out because it saves him having to think outside the box."   
  
Duo came around the desk making his movements deliberately slow so not to startle her he took her hand and pulled her up. Turning her to face him he watched her lift her head in the general direction his face would be. Lena truly was a beautiful woman not even grief diminished the result of years of good breeding beauty, grace and old world aristocracy that had combined to produce a stunning woman. No one looking at her would ever guess her eyes were currently sightless they looked up at him with an intensity and agelessness that he saw. He frowned, he saw in the mirror and each time he looked into the eyes of his fellow pilots, it was in all of they're eyes well those of them that had survived. Are you sure this is what you want to do?   
  
"I'm tired Duo. The Peacecrafts, my adopted parents, Heero she said in a subdued tone. There is nothing left to give. When they took Heero they took everything."   
  
Duo jerked her into a hug. "Damn it don't say that. What about those of us that care about you? Are we so insignificant that you can just shrug off our concern? Lena he whispered hoarsely I lost him too you know he was my friend and I don't have that many so the ones I do have are precious." Her hands clenched against his body rejecting his words each time she let someone close she lost them hadn't she learned this lesson yet? Then slowly hesitantly her hands relaxed, her arms awkwardly wrapped around his waist returning his hug. For a brief moment the walls came down and the lure of someone to share and understand her grief swayed the internal battle her hands clutched his jacket resting her head on his chest she murmured almost inaudibly.  
  
"You know some mornings there's that split second between sleep and waking when I can see him so clearly strong, alive so beautiful. And then I wake Duo and realize he's gone. He's gone and he's not coming back and it destroys me all over again." His eyes closed he swallowed painfully. When it was all said and done no amount of words would make it better. So he held her, one hand softly stroking her hair as they clung to each other both strangely soothed by the steady motions of his hand on her hair. Two lost souls intimately acquainted with death and grief more than anyone their age by rights should be. Duo turned his head looking at the beauty beyond the window. Duo pulled back slightly, "come on let's get out of here awhile."   
  
Relena stiffened withdrawing back into herself. "No you go I.."   
  
"You nothing. You've been alone too much." She shook her head. "It was my choice."   
  
"You need to feel the sun, the wind." He paused significantly. "Alive." She pulled back reflexively. But Duo wouldn't let go. "Duo." She warned.   
  
"Tsk tsk." Duo bent slightly and swept her off her feet. Relena yelped. "Duo!"   
  
"You wont need a purse where we're going. But I must say Minister as he shifted her slightly in his arms to open the door. It's outrageous the things one must do to get you to keep a luncheon date." Duo winked at Mrs. Carnes startled expression. "The Minister is out to lunch for the rest of the day."   
  
"Duo put me down. Stop this right now." Mrs. Carnes closed her mouth quickly a twinkle entered her eye then smiling in a conspiratorial way she wiggled her fingers as he had done previously.   
  
"I'll inform Commander Peacecraft."   
  
"No wait Mrs. Carnes call security have them lock this nut up Hellppp. Duo enough already I'll walk. Duoooo!" Mrs. Carnes smiled slightly, shaking her head she established the vidlink assuming a serious demeanor she began relaying the missive.   
  
"The Minister for Commander Peacecraft please."  
  
  
Zechs disconnected and turned moving to the window he lifted his finger to part the blind slat. He frowned sure enough moments later Maxwell came striding from the building with his wiggling sister. Zechs sighed loudly as people moving along the sidewalk stepped off to gawk those on the headquarters' grounds stopped to stare and point. Fortunately everyone was familiar enough with Maxwell that nothing he did surprised them anymore which was probably why no one had raised the alarm or the reason his phone wasn't ringing non stop about his sister being carried forcibly from the building. His mouth quirked slightly as he watched him bend down and try to place Relena in the seat of the car contrarily enough she grabbed the top of the car and held on. Duo backed out. Relena taken by surprise reflexively let go Zechs smiled as he watched Duo turn and go at it from the other direction. Whether Relena surrendered gracefully or figured humoring him would end the torture sooner he didn't know. Zechs shuddered as a thought suddenly occurred to him at least it wasn't the motorcycle he had a hard enough time biting his tongue when Heero took her about on his. He would have strangled Maxwell with his braid if he had tried that stunt now. Still he smiled the boy got her out into the world again and for that he would be eternally greatful even now he couldn't completely vocalize just how afraid he was that she would take the easy way out and never come out of her room again. Zechs walked over to the desk and contacted a security team the officer straightened when he saw his superior.  
  
"Sir."   
  
"Brindle I want a security team following the minister."   
  
"Sir? I wasn't aware.." Zechs cut him off. "One has to always be prepared for the unexpected."   
  
Sir he nodded earnestly. Zechs sighed mentally he wasn't sure what was worse the blatant adoration of some of his men or the insouciant one Maxwell displayed.  
  
"Now Brindle they've already left the building. And at a discreet distance please don't  
interfere unless it's warranted."   
  
"Understood Sir."  
  
  
Duo glanced at her from time to time out of the corner of his eye and smirked she looked like a scalded cat. Relena certainly wasn't looking very apathetic now. " Duo what are you trying to pull a nice drive through the country just doesn't hold the appeal it once did."   
  
Duo glanced at her quickly before turning back to the road. "Then go to the doctor."  
  
"Why she shrugged they think I'm nuts."   
  
Duo smirked, "well I can vouch you were nuts long before."   
  
"Thanks but an endorsement from someone that calls himself Shinigami might get us both nice form fitting jackets."   
  
"Hmm you could have a point there." She heard the amused tone as the car slowed and finally rolled to a stop, turning the engine off the silence stretched. She heard his door open and for a second caught the sound of the ocean and the smell of salt before his door quickly closed again. Then she felt the ocean breeze sweep into the car as he opened her door. "Come on ojousan."   
  
"No." She whispered.  
  
He bent taking her hand. "Come on Lena we're going to walk on the beach and reminisce." She shook her head as he helped her from the car. "I can't. I'm not ready yet Duo I can't say goodbye." Silent tears slid down her face.   
  
Duo cupped her face tenderly. "We're not saying goodbye we're going to walk this beach." He took her hand raising it to the side of his head. "As long as he's alive here." Then he moved her hand to his chest placing it over his heart. "And here. He will always be with us." Duo lifted his hand his thumb wiped her tears. "Come on Princess this isn't like you the girl that won the perfect soldier's heart was not a quitter."   
  
She turned her head toward the ocean tilting it upward she let the breeze wash over her face and hair. Duo dropped his arm across her shoulders and hugged her gently before he started guiding her down to the beach. "Please come with me? We three began together on a ocean much like this one."   
  
They must have drawn closer to the water the roar of the waves and the occasional mist from the spray dotted her face. "Remember ojousan." Closing her eyes it was as if it was yesterday she saw him. He stood there so strong so defiant. Tears resumed their journey as they both stood facing the ocean.   
  
"I remember." Lifting her arm she placed it around Duo's waist hugging him tightly. "Reminisce with me Duo." She said huskily. They turned in silent agreement and started meandering down the beach. "Remember that time you showed up at the...."   



	7. Default Chapter Title

My Soul to Keep  
By Amber  
  
  
  
Duo leaned against the terrace doors watching her stare blindly into the horizon she was doing that allot lately no matter how much they reached out to her. "I can't believe I'm about to say this Maxwell but good work. Still I'm curious what's your angle in all this? Duo glanced over his shoulder at Zechs and shrugged before he turned back to watch Relena. Zechs moved into the study and he joined him at the terrace doors.   
  
"I just couldn't stand it anymore," Duo said conversationally. "It was like loosing both of them I'm not even sure what I tried worked. Relena was becoming too much like Heero and she's not equipped to hold all that pain inside. She won't last long if she doesn't give expression to her grief." Duo studied the man that was Relena's brother curiously. "She tell you how we met?" Zech's shrugged silently. Duo smirked returning his gaze out the window but his face softened.   
  
"It was while you were doing your damnedest to destroy us rebels. Heero I learned later had crashed into the ocean. I had retrieved his suit and planned on using it for a spare. That's when I came upon them he was about to shoot her when I stopped him." Duo smiled, "for Heero I know now that was par for the course no one or thing must stop the mission. Do you know even after that she wouldn't let me hurt him? But I wonder now if I was really the one that stopped him or if he allowed himself to be stopped. After that the three of us kept coming together over and over oujsan seemed so alone even then and maybe in the end that's what drew them to each other they saw something in one another that only the other could fill. My angle?"   
  
Duo shifted to look at him only to realize Zechs had been watching him closely. "We were drawn together by chance and in spite of jobs and distance we stayed close because of how we felt about one another. I love Lena like the sister I never had." Duo tilted his head thoughtfully. "I think he paused. The fact that she cares for me the same way bothers you. Behind those perfect manners and that perfect breeding that wont let you admit to the more mundane feelings the rest of us have your jealous."   
  
Zechs inclined his head before swinging away to sit on the corner of the desk. "Maybe. I can't imagine why I should be angry or frustrated even envious it's not her fault I remember having a sister and she has no memories of me at all. That because of the choices I made complete strangers are closer to her than I am. Or that fate decided to make me the opponent of the one man on the planet she chose to fall in love with further creating a wall between us? But even then I didn't wish the man harm I was wary of who and what he was but I respected him. No I worried about this being the one thing that would rob me of my sister once and for all and I would be right back where I was before alone. Now what was that you were saying about mundane?" Zechs mouth quirked sardonically. "So you see Maxwell I'm not as altruistic as Relena. You say you think of her as a sister fine keep it that way she's not able to handle anything else right now."   
  
Duo's mouth dropped open before he grinned. "Aahh you thought?"   
  
He stared at Duo intently, "are you telling me I'm off base I've seen the way you look at her even if she hasn't?"   
  
He grew thoughtful; "in the beginning yes she's a beautiful girl who happens to be just as beautiful on the inside it draws people to her. But for her there was only Heero and I well I met Hilde."   
  
He stood up nodding at Duo. "Then we understand one another. If you'll excuse me." He brushed by Duo and went out onto the terrace closing the door they stared into each other's eyes a moment before Duo watched him approach Relena. By passing the other available chair he chose to sit on the ground by her side Duo shivered. "Brr he said humorously talk about the iceman cometh."   
  
He jerked his head around as the door swung in. "O Duo have you seen Zechs?" Duo jerked his head toward the terrace as Lucrezia crossed the study joining him. "Aah she sighed." She looked at Duo ruefully. "What did he do now?"   
  
Duo shook his head amused in spite of himself. "He was asking me my intentions." His lips twisted in derision, "apparently I'm not good enough for his sister." She lifted her hand resting it on his shoulders she had the privilege of knowing them as boys and seeing them grow into fine honorable men which was why she felt at peace with what she was about to do if anyone could understand the complexity of Zechs it would be them.   
  
She shook her head. "It's not that we all have moments in our lives when we feel powerless, feel like we should have been able to do something to alter the out come."  
  
Duo frowned, "are you talking about Heero's death?" She met his eyes briefly before glancing back at Relena and Zechs. He had taken her hand and as far as Lucrezia could tell there was no conversation they were just sitting there enjoying each other's company. She sighed, "partially but it goes further than that it started with the fall of Sanq, the murder of their parents. It doesn't matter that he was a child himself helpless to stop it he feels there should have been something more he could have done. There wasn't though all he could do was get Relena out, the problem is he's to close to see what an accomplishment that was. Grown men would have had trouble much less a boy but do it he did." She crossed her arms to ward off the chill at thinking of two children traveling alone all that distance so the Darlian's would keep Relena safe and hidden. "He realized he couldn't take care of her but he still feels he abandoned her by leaving her alone with them. Once he decided to become Zechs Merquise he stayed away to protect her so that if he failed then he wouldn't take her down with him. Now that he's found her it's one unending first date."  
  
She surprised a laugh from him at that. " A what?"  
  
Lucrezia returned his smile briefly before elaborating. "He's always on guard like a first date you meet someone you really want them to care for you so your constantly on guard as to not make any mistakes or to disappoint them. Unfortunately Relena is intuitive enough to pick up his unease and reacts to it she doesn't know the why of it but she senses he's uneasy around her so she acts accordingly it's a vicious circle."  
  
Duo shook his head, "are we talking about the same guy? The same girl? Relena manages to care about everyone unconditionally."  
  
She nodded, "I know and logically he knows that as well but then logic rarely enters into it when your heart is involved now does it?"  
  
Duo stuffed his hands in his pockets and glanced toward bother and sister. " Sounds like Heero's death is bringing out allot of things we all thought were resolved." He turned toward the door. "Tell Lena I'll talk to her later right now I'm going to tell Hilde how much I love her." He opened the door then hesitated looking back at her unusually serious.   
  
"One of many things I've learned from this is we can't live in the past but in the here and now. Life is too precious to waste time on regrets or what ifs. Zechs could have lost her if it wasn't for Heero so instead of living in the past maybe he should make new memories with her in the now. Duo smiled sadly; maybe he should spend more time telling his wife how lucky he is to have her. Maybe its all time we count our blessings. Whichever the case some day, Relena is going to leave she doesn't know it now but she has too much heart to crawl in the grave with Heero and that's not what he would have wanted for her anyway. Once Zech's calm's down over Relena's close call he'll realize that himself. He shrugged, we're all going to die what we do with the time we're here is what is really important."  
  
  
  
Zech's drew a shaky breath yet none of it showed on his face nor would it ever unless he desired it. He had spent to many years where it was literally a matter of life and death should he forget for one moment. Hadn't Yuy's death showed him he couldn't afford to become lax he would not loose his last connection to the child he once was before war and death ripped their world apart. He stood by her chair watching her solemn face before collapsing on the concrete beside her.   
  
"Milliardo she murmured your angry why?" He started a moment before taking her hand looking at the carefully shaped nails he gently turned her hand over looking at the delicate smooth skin. So small. So fragile to hold the fate of a world in her hands he smiled sadly so clean.   
  
"How did you know it was me," he asked stalling?   
  
A smile curved her lips. "You move as silently as Heero does but.." She stopped abruptly realizing what she said and he watched her pull away her face grew pinched an drawn. " I smelled the shampoo you use and the cologne you wear she finished almost inaudibly."  
  
"Relena sweet heart." He began awkwardly he leaned his forehead head on her leg. "I'm sorry so very sorry."  
  
She lifted her hand hesitating nothing between her and Milliardo had ever come easy. So much pain and guilt, to much unspoken between them, never enough time, never the right time to try and breach the gap it had been always something. She gently laid her hand on his hair softly stroking the silky strands. "I know she spoke through the tears clogging her throat but you can't protect me from life. As long as I live I'll have to take my chances just like everyone else. Don't protect me I lost the man I love because of his determination to protect me at all cost." Her hand clenched in his hair bending her head her hair slid forward shielding them both within a screen of blonde. "Promise me!"   
  
Turning his head he laid his cheek on her leg exhaling a shaky breath his arms slid up and around her waist hugging her. " I can't promise you that nothing in the world means more to me than you and Lucrezia and I will do anything in my power to insure you both are always safe."  
  
Relena's head came up closing her eyes tightly she tried to prevent tears from slipping out the corners and sliding silently down her cheeks. Her hand shakily resumed stroking his hair but who was she was trying to comfort him or herself she couldn't say.   
  
  
  



	8. Default Chapter Title

End of Chapter Seven reminder:  
  
She lifted her hand hesitating nothing between her and Milliardo had ever come easy. So much pain and guilt, to much unspoken between them, never enough time, never the right time to try and breach the gap it had been always something. She gently laid her hand on his hair softly stroking the silky strands. "I know she spoke through the tears clogging her throat but you can't protect me from life. As long as I live I'll have to take my chances just like everyone else. Don't protect me I lost the man I love because of his determination to protect me at all cost." Her hand clenched in his hair bending her head her hair slid forward shielding them both within a screen of blonde. "Promise me!"   
  
Turning his head he laid his cheek on her leg exhaling a shaky breath his arms slid up and around her waist hugging her. " I can't promise you that nothing in the world means more to me than you and Lucrezia and I will do anything in my power to insure you both are always safe."  
  
Relena's head came up closing her eyes tightly she tried to prevent tears from slipping out the corners and sliding silently down her cheeks. Her hand shakily resumed stroking his hair but who was she was trying to comfort him or herself she couldn't say.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
My Soul to Keep   
Chapter 8  
By Amber  
  
  
  
Relena stood there smiling while she allowed her mind to drift nothing was required of her now except her best game face so she tuned out Walsh's acceptance speech until it was a small annoying buzz in the back of her mind. She was free such as it was the people had a new symbol to carry the torch for them. And she well .. She could peacefully fall apart now. Hadn't she been strong all these months the press called her their brave little Dove what a load of crock. She smiled mentally ahh the press everything and one is fodder for the mill even the death of her beloved Heero. Well it wasn't her problem anymore now it was Walsh's headache, idly she realized her face hurt when was the last time she smiled naturally? She sighed one more hour and she was answerable to only herself.  
  
The break room at Preventers HQ was solemn as they watched the farewell of one administration and the heralding in of another it didn't matter that it was with the full blessing of the past ministry for several it seemed the final straw. Duo shook his head sliding down from the back of the chair he slouched deeper into the seat.   
  
"Man I never thought I would see the day. I really thought in the end she would change her mind." Trowa looked at Duo thoughtfully before turning to stare intently at the screen she had lost weight, of course only those that knew her could detect the changes eyes a little too bright, posture a shade too stiff, smile a tad too brittle. Relena was hanging in there a trooper until the end what happens though once she's no longer required to put on a brave front. Trowa shook off his thoughts when he realized Wufei was speaking. In the months leading up to this he had said surprisingly little about Relena's decision now apparently he had made up his mind.   
  
"Under the circumstances she's doing the right thing." Duo jerked his head around and glared. "How can you say that?"   
  
Wufei turned and walked toward the door. Pausing he glanced back to meet Duo's glare before letting his eyes briefly take in the image in the screen. "Will you look at her, really look at her, with you head not your heart that is a woman who considers the price she's paid too high. And in light of who and what she's lost I can't say I blame her."  
  
Duo shook his head, "am I the only one that sees something wrong with this picture? Trowa?"  
  
He straightened. "Duo it doesn't matter what you or I think it's what Relena believes." Duo dropped his head in his palm. "But she isn't moving forward." He joined Wufei. "I know but right now that to is her choice."  
  
  
  
"Minister shall I escort you to your car?"   
  
"That wont be necessary the minister has a ride if she wishes." Relena turned toward his voice a slow smile finally graced her face. "Quatre now what brings you here?" He moved forward in a calculatedly casual move making her seem less dependent than she was and placed her hand upon his arm. They moved off through the throngs of people her guards at a discreet distance. Quatre's eyes slid over her cataloging the changes before striving for a nonchalant tone. "I need a favor."   
  
"Ahh Quatre, I'm of little use of late but ask me if it's within my power it's yours."   
  
"I'm going to Arabia for a few weeks I want to invite Catherine." Relena smiled and patted his arm. "Good for you don't waste time you never know when." She trailed off. Quatre drew her to a halt and moved in front of her. Quatre cupped her face between his palms before tilting her head upward so he could better gage her reaction. The youthful hints in the boy had been fulfilled Quatre had grown into that promised height but still retained that reed thin slimness never developing the more delineated muscularity that was so apparent in the other pilots and while Relena had grown a bit taller it had still been necessary even when she had her sight to look up to meet their eyes. "Relena I want to tell her that in part it's to help me with you. I would like you to be my guest for the time she's there."   
  
He watched a shadow flicker across her face. "And is it for me?"   
  
"I want time with Catherine without awkwardness without a feeling of pressure that comes with expectations. I'd be lying if I didn't say I hope this somehow gives you some benefit. I would love nothing better than to have my friend wake up there and to be able to see and appreciate the beauty of my home." He stepped back taking her hand once more guiding her toward the limos.   
  
"What about Trowa?" He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. "What about Trowa?"   
  
"Why don't you ask him?" She felt him shrug, "because he also has his duties with the Preventers he is of course welcome but I don't expect him." He felt her move abruptly.   
  
"That makes you uneasy. Why?" He watched her face turn serenely blank. Quatre retreated sighing mentally he pushed too hard and resolved to be more patient. "Please think about it. I know how smothering at times older siblings can be even when they mean well. You can use this time as you choose without the added pressure of the press and Zechs and co mothering you." he said wryly.   
  
Relena laughed, "o he's not quite that bad well maybe he is but I know I'm driving him to distraction. He wants nothing more than to fix it for me and unfortunately some things are just not fixable. Maybe it would do us all a world of good." Relena murmured. "Milliardo needs to spend some time with Lucrezia without worrying about me."   
  
He slowly stopped keeping the excitement from his voice and his body language relaxed. "So can I take it to mean I'll have two lovely ladies to keep company with?"   
  
She shifted his direction "When?"   
  
Quatre continued calmly, "Trowa is already here so I was shooting for leaving by the end of the week with Catherine meeting us there."   
  
"Can I get back to you?"   
  
"Of course would you like that ride home?"   
  
She smiled sadly, "you've given me allot to think about I'll take my car for now."   
  
He nodded. "Of course call me you know where to reach me." Quatre bent opening her door he took her hand and gently pulled her forward.  
  
Relena abruptly stopped and pulled him into a hug. "You are a good friend Quatre and I do love you for caring I do." She lifted her hand slowly feeling her way upward she cupped his cheek. "Don't wait too long to seize your happiness life is too fickle if you love her go after her and don't stop until you have her." Pulling away she felt along the door getting herself oriented she placed herself in the car.   
  
Quatre closed the door then turned nodding to security as they raced to their usual positions. Stepping back he watched her car slowly pull away before acknowledging the presence at his side. "You saw?" Trowa stared in the direction the car went. "Mm what was her reaction?"   
  
Quatre sighed, "surprisingly better than I thought. She thinks Zechs and Miss Lucrezia need some time alone."   
  
Trowa's mouth quirked slightly. "She's probably right according to Duo big brother is surprisingly possessive."   
  
"She's right about one thing. I'm going to ask Catherine to become my wife everything else can be worked out. What's really important is how we feel about one another not who I am or how much money I have or what she does for a living."   
  
Trowa lifted his eyebrow quizzically. "Relena said that?"   
  
Quatre blushed, "no um actually she told me to go after her and not stop until I got her." Trowa slid his hands in his jacket pocket and turned away before he walked off he paused and gave him a smile. "Good for you. Quatre? Take care of them both."   
  
Quatre tilted his head questioningly. "What do you hope to achieve with this Trowa?"   
  
"Relena is cleaning house so to speak soon there will be nothing left to distract her from curling up some where to live in her own little dream world needing nothing or no one other than memories of Heero. Like it or not he's dead I wont let her pretend differently it's not what he would have wanted either. I won't give her the chance to become complacent."   
  
"He?" Quatre pressed gently, "or you what happened the last time you saw her she reacted strangely today when I mentioned you might accompany us to Arabia? It was only for a second to fast to make any sense out of but when I pressed her she shut me out."   
  
Trowa's eye's widened before a smile softened his solemn demeanor. "Good I don't want her comfortable around me she can save that for her brother." Quatre smiled ruefully, "why are you so sure she'll come?" He shrugged staring pensively into memories of the past. "Just a feeling but I've learned to not ignore them." He lifted his eyes meeting Quatre's compassionate look. "Keep me posted if nothing changes I'll see you tonight." He nodded as Trowa turned and disappeared through the crowd.   
  
  
  
Relena closed her eyes as the limo pulled smoothly away from the curb taking her home no to the house. A house that wasn't really hers one that by all rights should be her brother's and his wife's was Milliardo so insistent on them staying together for love or because of some endless need to do penance for his perceived failures? She frowned shaking her head trying to reason this out by a measure of normalcy was impossible. Nothing about any of their lives was normal so what did she really know about it for comparison. All she knew for sure was whether instinct, a feeling, which ever no one else was going to suffer because of her it was well pass the time Relena had a place to call her own. One of the Peacecraft children should have a family and it looked like her brother would be the lucky one. This visit to Quatre's would be the stepping-stone to gently easing Milliardo toward letting go and living for himself.   
  
  
Relena walked from the bathroom toweling her hair dry trial and error and several bruised shins had taught her the urgency of learning to safely navigate her room. She dropped the towel in the laundry, crossing to her vanity she took her comb and started working it through her hair. She felt exhausted she had geared herself up for a battle and in the end there had been very little need. Milliardo had readily acquiesced to her wishes even her insistence that with Quatre's Maguanacs guards her own accompanying her would hardly be required. A soft knock distracted her from her thoughts. "Come in."   
  
"Relena? Am I disturbing you?" She smiled and shook her head no. "Lucrezia are you the one I have to thank for the ease of my victory?"   
  
She laughed, "no not really unlike your brother I see the similarities enough in you both to know once you've made up your mind trying to change it is useless. I just reminded him that you both share that same facet of your personalities."   
  
Lucrezia came over and guided her to the bed taking the comb she sat behind her and started slowly running it through her hair. "Why now Relena this is your home to?"  
  
"Lucrezia I'm in my twenty's and you and Milliardo need time to yourself as well. Besides she murmured Milliardo needs to heal as well and I can't help him with that but you can." She paused in combing her hair. "You don't have to leave us for that we love you."  
  
She leaned back against Lucrezia for a moment. "I know you do." Shifting forward she stood and turned staring at where she knew Lucrezia to be. "So show me make me an aunt." Lucrezia laughter wobbled tearfully. "Shssh." Relena moved forward kneeling in front of her. "Don't do this."  
  
She reached up brushing back Relena's hair with her fingers. "I want you to find happiness as well. I want you to see again I want those eyes showing the wonder once more at the worlds.." Relena interrupted her softly. "I want Heero alive and safely with me but some things aren't meant to be."  
  
She inhaled brokenly. "Do you really believe that?" Relena looked upward as if seeking answers. "How can I not she asked poignantly?"   
  
Lucrezia took her hands and helped her up holding them companionably she stared at their linked hands. "So when will you leave?" Relena shrugged, "At the end of the week I think Quatre is making the arrangements I believe this is a really important visit for him as well especially with Catherine there."  
  
"So he's finally worked up the courage to pop the question hmm?" She listened to the humor in Lucrezia's voice and smiled. "I certainly hope so."   
  
"And Trowa?" Relena eyes narrowed in concentration seeking possible hidden meanings. "Why do you ask?" When she answered Relena couldn't detect anything suspicious so she relaxed slightly. "I don't think so after all he does have responsibilities to the Preventers besides I don't really know Trowa well enough to say what his plans may or may not be."  
  
" Relena.." Lucrezia's voice wounded worried. "Is something wrong have you and Trowa had words?" She moved toward the vidphone placing her hands out along the desk she located the phone before sitting.   
  
Relena turned her head and forced her mouth to smile humorlessly. "Lu can you see Trowa Barton wasting time in having words with anyone?"   
  
"All right then." She stood and moved across the room to leave. "I trust you to know what your doing but should you need someone to listen I'm here." Relena smiled tremulously "I'll remember."  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
"Night Lucrezia."  
  
When the door closed she turned toward the phone with a combination of counting and touch she dealt with the necessary steps to contact Quatre. Smoothing her damp hair back she adjusted her nightshirt a bit better so it appeared like an ordinary t-shirt. A voice smoothly identified the Winner residence and after telling them her name and purpose she was immediately connected. "Relena I didn't expect to hear from you so soon."   
  
"No?" She smiled ruefully, "I couldn't keep you on pins and needles now could I?"  
  
"Does that mean?"  
  
She nodded, "thank you for your kind invitation she said primly I would love to visit your home I'll enjoy talking to Catherine the few times we've met have always been a pleasure. But you owe me big time."  
  
"I don't understand." She shrugged causing her shirt to slide down slightly exposing the delicate looking flesh between her neck and shoulder. "You didn't think taking on Milliardo came without a price I want to be a bridesmaid at the least."   
  
"O was it bad?" Relena's mouth tilted slightly at the corners. "I persevered. Quatre? Quatre are you blushing?"  
  
"Lena he warned.."  
  
"Ok spoilsport..." Settling down to the matter at hand she asked. "When do we leave?"  
  
"Is Thursday night alright?" Her eyebrow lifted questioningly. "Eager aren't you? Thursday is fine."   
  
She could hear the smile in his voice. "Great we'll come by and pick you up around two." Relena went still. "We?"  
  
"Trowa has decided to come along with us and stay a few days isn't it great?" She bit her lip nervously before nodding. "Lovely."  
  
"I'll see you then.." Resigned she sighed. "Very well Thursday it is Quatre."   
  
"Goodnight Relena."  
  
Quatre disconnected then looked up. "Well she seems much more relaxed she looked almost like her old self. You know Heero once told me when she smiled at him like that he was struck speechless he said musingly."   
  
Trowa's mouth quirked, "I noticed."  
  
Quatre grinned at him amused. "Well you got your way she's coming. But do you know what your doing?"   
  
Trowa shrugged. "No more than you do I guess we'll rely on instinct it got us through several jams." Quatre looked at him doubtfully. "That's what I thought you would say this is going to be a long few weeks."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm so sorry about the delay but I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year  
  



	9. Default Chapter Title

My Soul to Keep  
By Amber  
  
  
  
Chapter 8 recap  
  
When the door closed she turned toward the phone with a combination of counting and touch she dealt with the necessary steps to contact Quatre. Smoothing her damp hair back she adjusted her nightshirt a bit better so it appeared like an ordinary t-shirt. A voice smoothly identified the Winner residence and after telling them her name and purpose she was immediately connected. "Relena I didn't expect to hear from you so soon."   
  
"No?" She smiled ruefully, "I couldn't keep you on pins and needles now could I?"  
  
"Does that mean?"  
  
She nodded, "thank you for your kind invitation she said primly I would love to visit your home I'll enjoy talking to Catherine the few times we've met have always been a pleasure. But you owe me big time."  
  
"I don't understand." She shrugged causing her shirt to slide down slightly exposing the delicate looking flesh between her neck and shoulder. "You didn't think taking on Milliardo came without a price I want to be a bridesmaid at the least."   
  
"O was it bad?" Relena's mouth tilted slightly at the corners. "I persevered. Quatre? Quatre are you blushing?"  
  
"Lena he warned.."  
  
"Ok spoilsport…" Settling down to the matter at hand she asked. "When do we leave?"  
  
"Is Thursday night alright?" Her eyebrow lifted questioningly. "Eager aren't you? Thursday is fine."   
  
She could hear the smile in his voice. "Great we'll come by and pick you up around two." Relena went still. "We?"  
  
"Trowa has decided to come along with us and stay a few days isn't it great?" She bit her lip nervously before nodding. "Lovely."  
  
"I'll see you then.." Resigned she sighed. "Very well Thursday it is Quatre."   
  
"Goodnight Relena."  
  
Quatre disconnected then looked up. "Well she seems much more relaxed she looked almost like her old self. You know Heero once told me when she smiled at him like that he was struck speechless he said musingly."   
  
Trowa's mouth quirked, "I noticed."  
  
Quatre grinned at him amused. "Well you got your way she's coming. But do you know what your doing?"   
  
Trowa shrugged. "No more than you do I guess we'll rely on instinct it got us through several jams." Quatre looked at him doubtfully. "That's what I thought you would say this is going to be a long few weeks."  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 9  
  
Relena inhaled deeply pulling the sweet smell of fresh air into her lungs that one just couldn't find in the busy confines of the city. Tilting her head back almost in worship she blinked her eyes tearing a bit while she absorbed how the suns warmth felt on her skin. She shivered it felt wonderful as it bathed her in its healing warmth. She closed her eyes and smiled ruefully the first week she was here she felt like she was about to jump out of her skin for several nights after she first arrived the nightmares seemed to intensify.   
  
But always there was someone there in the dark waiting for her to reach out and accept their friendship, or role of confidant or just be whatever it was she needed. And night after night he held her until she fell back to asleep always gone when she awoke the next morning, Relena prided herself on being an intelligent woman but this eluded her she didn't want to need him she thought he understood that.   
  
At first she thought it was a misguided sense of loyalty to Heero that kept him so persistent. As time went on however that assumption gradually changed. She frowned slightly. She didn't know what he wanted from her the man was an enigma. After the last year the only thing she could say with any certainty was she just didn't know anything anymore. When Trowa and Quatre showed up last week she had felt restless, unsure, anxious in a way not easily explained. It was something that she had never felt not even during her turbulent teens and she left Relena Darlian behind to take up the burden of being a Peacecraft. She had always known her mind and made her choices good or bad with a confidence and sense of peace that came from knowing at least who she was inside where it counted the most. Now her whole perception of that was lost. Change was happening too fast for her. After the first couple of nights she locked her door yet he still managed to get in. What worried her the most was him getting past those walls she had built around her heart with the same ease he breeched the lock on her room.   
  
She sighed reaching down for her solace. Once upon a time she use to be quite skilled at sketching she admittedly couldn't tell if she was anymore or not but the familiar rhythm of becoming absorbed in what her inner eye saw comforted her and soon the question about whether she was good or not became irrelevant along with what Trowa was up to. It fed a need in her she had long forgotten before her life changed and now she had no more reasons for not picking it up again. Now she had nothing but time. Relena smiled slightly counting out the pages she turned until she had the right one then began what had become a ritual putting into images what she now kept hidden hopes shattered, dreams destroyed, finally her fears and that inexplicable something that Trowa stirred. Soon she was lost within that compulsion and understanding what motivated Trowa became a distant memory now there was nothing but the intense desire to accurately capture the image in her minds eye.   
  
The nearly silent pad of feet drew her from her respite and slowly stretching cramped fingers she started preparations for quitting for the day. "Ms. Relena you've been out here for quite some time today you don't want to burn." A rueful smile crossed her face as she turned her head to acknowledge his presence. "I know,I know Rashid but after years of meetings in stuffy office buildings the sun and fresh air are so wonderful.Still your right I suppose it's almost time for dinner I'm on my way." Standing she stretched once more feeling a sense of satisfaction long forgotten before silently making her way inside  
  
  
The servant bowed and Relena quietly thanked him for assisting her to the table. "I hope I haven't kept anyone waiting on me I lost track of time and Rashid she smiled wryly had to come and remind me once again."  
  
"Relena how was your day?" Her smile grew silently she sat placing the napkin across her lap before she answered. "Uneventful," she said with satisfaction lacing her tone. "But I trust you and Catherine had plenty to keep you busy." Catherine laughed.   
  
She turned her head toward Catherine's laughter pleased that there was happiness out there for those she cared about after all. "We managed," Quatre replied. She smiled when she heard his slight hesitation, embarrassment over laid with amusement.   
  
Relena reached out with her senses trying to pin point just where Trowa was at the table typically he had been sitting to her left but odd as it seemed she didn't feel him. And she was damned if she was going to ask. That meant admitting to herself even the tiniest bit more interest than was prudent.   
  
She heard Quatre tell them to begin serving and that's when she began to suspect that Trowa wasn't at the table. She nervously nibbled on her lip did that mean that he was not eating or was he gone on a mission. She didn't have to wait long in her musings before Quatre told her what she wouldn't allow herself to ask. "Trowa had Preventer business to take care of but hopefully he should be able to rejoin us soon." Relena mentally shrugged that wasn't any of her business she mentally nodded the choices Trowa made in his life had nothing to do with her. Feeling the silence grow she felt like they were waiting for something from her she wasn't ready to go near. She opted for diplomacy.   
  
"I'm sorry it interrupted your quality time together Catherine I hope he'll return before your vacation is over," she murmured politely. But as dinner progressed the lingering concern preyed on her mind and she grew progressively quieter and her mentally warnings grew fainter as worry took its place. Catherine and Quatre exchanged meaningful glances when at the end of dinner she excused herself pleading tiredness.   
  
Catherine sighed, "I don't know Quatre I just can't tell but then I admit I don't know her as well as the rest of you do. It doesn't seem to me like she's any closer to moving through the grief. Is she sleeping at all it doesn't look like she's slept well since this all happened?" He reached out clasping her hand his thumb stroked soothingly across the top of her knuckles. "I'm worried they both could get hurt from this Relena wouldn't mean to she's a kind person. But." She trailed off unsure just what it was about all this that worried her the most.   
  
She knew Trowa respected Relena a great deal, she suspected there was a certain amount of fascination on his part as well from watching him watch Relena over the years. But out of affection for both Heero and Relena he never by word or deed did let on to either one at least to her knowledge about how he felt. Heero's death and Relena's continued depression changed all that and was what was apparently dictating his current actions.   
  
She sighed troubled there had been enough pain for everyone looking up Quatre met her gaze sympathetically. "Catherine I think it will be all right nothing is for certain but in spite of how it seems Relena is slowly coming to terms with what happened. Trowa well, he knows better than anyone just what he's chosen to take on Heero's shadow looms large and long but he feels the possible gain is worth it."   
  
Catherine shook her head, "you don't understand will Relena? It's been almost a year and she's still holding everyone at a distance. She's lost everyone she ever cared about, her identity, her childhood, and finally the man she was going to marry. And not to the wars or a mission it's obvious from the way she acts she blames herself for his death. Whether she's willing to admit it or not someone as perceptive as she is has to sense even if it's on the subconscious level Trowa's involvement in this is allot more than that of a casual friend."   
  
Catherine stared pensively at the flickering flames in the table's centerpiece as they danced and swayed. "If it were I it would seem like my worst fears all over again opening myself up to the hurt of falling in love would be hard enough. But Trowa isn't just any man there are enough similarities about Heero and Trowa that would have me running the other way." She shook her head looking at him with tears filling her eyes. "We may.. He may be expecting too much." Quatre silently tugged on her hand, pulling her into his lap he gently stroked her hair and thought about what she said. "He has to try Catherine he wouldn't be satisfied with less." Her hands tightened in his shirt. "I know."  
  
  
  
The mist rolled across the ground and Relena noticed with a sense of detachment how it danced and swirled around her gown as she moved forward. For a split second she wondered where she was going then the thought was lost as her sense of urgency grew. Stopping she slowly turned then it struck her she could see when she turned back standing before her was Heero his hand held out reaching for her his lips moved but she couldn't hear him. Growing more frantic she tried to run to him but no matter how hard or how desperately she tried to reach him he remained just beyond reach. She stopped trying to catch her breath. Heero. She pleaded holding out her hands she watched wide-eyed as he slowly faded before her eyes.   
  
Snapping up in the bed she listened to her ragged breathing for a second she could just make out shapes in the darkened room before blackness descended once more and she laughed humorlessly at the tricks her mind was playing on her tonight. Apparently her demons wouldn't be satisfied until she was crazy as well as alone. Her forehead collapsed in the palm of her hand shakily pushing her hair back she shifted drawing her knees up she wrapped her arms around them and rocked while silent tears slid down her face. When does it stop hurting? Relena lifted her head and turned it toward the soft breeze coming in through the balcony doors. Heero  
  
Another week slid by and the dreams continued each night a variation of the same her trying to reach him and he drawing farther away. She gave up trying to go back to sleep and instead sat on the balcony sketching. She continued to join Quatre and Catherine for dinner and true to his word he allowed her to set the boundaries picking and choosing when she wanted company. She had talked to Milliardo and Lucrezia several times and while he wasn't thrilled by her continued absence she sensed something new in him while she talked to him and for the first time she wished she could see his face, she wished the impersonal distance of the vidphone to the blazes. She wished no better not to tempt fate...  
  
Relena sat back in the shadows of a high back chair close enough to participate should she choose yet separate. She could let the talk of the wedding go on without her aborted one robbing them of the pleasure of theirs. The talk went on in quiet murmurs with Relena adding a word or two here and there but over all she was content to just listen. To take things as they come. Her time here was almost over well the time she had agreed to stay. Quatre had tried several times to broach the subject of her staying longer but.   
  
The door opened and closed quietly she cocked her head trying to figure out who it was when the excited cry of Catherine. And Quatre's pleased welcome told her everything she needed to know. It had been two weeks, two weeks of worrying about whether another she cared for was dead or alive. She closed her eyes briefly o god when had he slipped past her walls quickly composing herself she tried to concentrate of the positive. Trowa had safely returned and if she felt a sliver of relief she determinedly ignored the implications. She sensed movement a second before she felt a finger glide across the top of her hand. Trowa took her hand within his and softly squeezed. "Relena."  
  
"Welcome back Trowa," she said huskily.   
  
"How are you?"   
  
Her lips quirked, "everyone takes excellent care of me." At her omission Trowa glanced sharply at the others. Quatre shook his head quietly. Catherine laughed softly, "well she stayed awake during our endless wedding details so she's stronger than allot of people I know."   
  
Relena swung her head toward Catherine and frowned. Slowly though it relaxed and a sad smile graced her face pushing herself up she forced herself to hold it in place. "I'm going to call it a night forgive me for rushing off Trowa but you need some time with your sister anyway..." She hesitated, "and I'm tired."  
  
"Goodnight. Relena wait I'll call." She shook her head before he could finish. "It's all right Quatre I'll be fine."  
  
He watched her slowly leave the room before turning an inquiring look at them both. Catherine shrugged. Quatre stepped in to fill the silence. "She's been quieter but she hasn't been avoiding us."  
  
Trowa looked skeptical and Catherine sighed frustrated. "What did you expect? You were gone two weeks. Did you really think you were going to return to find the girl from the birthday party so long ago? Your obsession aside that girl is no longer around."   
  
"Catherine." She swung her head to look at Quatre. "What? Someone has to say it. She glanced back at Trowa and watched his eyes become distant and aloof. "Did you think it wasn't noticeable I've watched it grow into what it is now and everyday I prayed some girl would come along and end this fascination you have for Relena Peacecraft." Lifting her hand toward him in appeal she whispered. "Trowa. She was heart and soul in love with Heero it's been almost a year and she still isn't over him."   
  
"Catherine I know what I'm doing."   
  
"Do you?" She asked softly. "Because it's not only her that could wind up hurt but yourself as well."   
  
"I know that."  
  
Trowa left shortly after Relena to restless to sleep Catherine's words bothered him more than he cared to admit he moved through the shadows of the courtyard past the soothing music of the fountains until he stood there looking up into her darkened room. She was right there was no guarantee Relena would ever move past Heero's death and even less chance she would want someone like him. Trowa turned looking out over the pool he watched mesmerized the patterns the wind and underwater lights made on the water before shoving his hands into his pockets and making his way to his room.   
  
Relena rolled once more punching her pillow she tried to will herself to sleep tonight her mind wasn't cooperating. Sighing she sat up and turned on the light, flipping the covers back Relena left the coolness of the sheets to retrieve her sketch pad hoping once she did she'd find peace by putting everything on paper. Relena opened the balcony doors closing her eyes she savored the breeze. She let it tease her skin and hair before backing up and curling into the chair. Laying her head against the high back she sighed there was something about Trowa's eyes he was always watching her they were so expressive in some ways yet even still their message eluded her. Except once and without noticing her pencil moved across the page as if they had a mind of its own joining her mind in happier times.   
  
  
  
  
She crested the hill and laughed reigning in her mount. In the distance she could only see the spires of the two towers where this weekends birthday celebration was to take place before her view of the manor was blocked by the forest. Sierra shook her mane and pranced restlessly. "Easy girl soon I just want to look a little."   
  
Relena smiled ruefully she wondered if they knew she was gone yet. Doubtful the only that seem to anticipate and confound her small acts of rebellion were Heero and he was currently on a mission with no indications of when he was going be back. But if it were possible for him to attend then she would see him at the party tomorrow. Sierra tugged at the bit reminding her of where she was. "Ok girl I get the message."   
  
Giving her a slight nudge with her heels was all it took to send her into cantor. Relena shook her hair back allowing the wind to tug her hair free from its braid into a silken banner. She reveled in the feeling of power she felt in the bunch and shift of muscles as they arrived at the bottom of the hill. Sierra's stride lengthened into a ground eating gallop and Relena laughed exhilarated as woman and horse moved across the valley floor in perfect synchronicity.   
  
She felt the change a second before Sierra's ear's pricked forward and she checked her stride, tightening up on the reins she gradually slowed and then stopped as she watched horse and rider come from the woods and head toward her. Sierra pranced nervously causing her to sigh as she recognized the rider. It figured she watched admiring the ease with which he controlled his restless mount of those here it could only have been Milliardo or Trowa. He drew closer and then stopped watching her horse fidget at the proximity of his. His eyes slide over her appraisingly before meeting her gaze.   
  
"You shouldn't be out here alone Miss Relena."   
  
"Trowa she sighed, how long have we known each other?" His eyebrow quirked she shook her head. "Never mind call me Relena or Lena like Duo does I don't care which."   
  
His mouth lifted slightly before returning to the subject at hand. "You've been gone quite some time." A slight frown grew and before he noticed her staring she looked down so he wouldn't feel self-conscious he had such beautiful eyes but always so sad. Relena stroked Sierra's sweaty neck soothingly.   
  
"Have I? It seems only moments."   
  
"You know you have." She jerked her head up searching his face intently. "How would you know?"  
  
He tilted his head curiously at the intensity in her voice. "Don't worry so far I was the only one that saw you leave."   
  
"Sometimes I need to.." She shrugged words always her strength failed her staring at him thoughtfully she got the impression maybe she didn't need the words after all that somehow he understood. Sierra shifted impatiently so she nudged her forward once more, he turned his horse and moved in beside her. She gave him a sidelong glance as they slowly ambled along. "I was just going back you don't have to come. Continue your ride." When he didn't answer she looked at him fully. "Trowa?"   
  
"This is fine." Relena looked at him mischievously. "So your to be an escort then?"  
  
He shrugged, "one should never ride alone." She nodded, "fine lets go." Urging Sierra faster she took off turning in the saddle she waved. "Come on Trowa." Leaning low she gave Sierra her head she didn't bother to glance back when she heard the thunder of hooves delighted she laughed and urged Sierra even faster. She knew it was useless his horse was bigger and fresher but Sierra's spirit and competitiveness would more than make it an interesting race. She saw him draw even and turned to laugh at his serious expression. At the sound of her laughter he glanced at Relena that's when she swerved to the left taking a short cut. She heard him call her name as the stone fence circling the manor grounds approached she felt Sierra gather herself. Relena tucked herself tight and low and sailed over the wall and started heading into the forest.  
  
The bridle path made passing all but impossible but the hair on the back of her neck told her he wasn't far behind there was only one place left wide enough to pass and it had been narrowed due to a downed tree across the path. She heard him draw nearer and leaned low. "Come on girl we can do it." They were nearing the tree she could see it and knew Trowa had probably come to the same conclusion. The pounding of hooves became louder as he pulled beside her and sailed over the tree laughing appreciatively she watched him pull ahead.   
  
The woods gradually thinned and the manicured lawns of the manor could be seen as they raced across them to the stables. Sierra's breathing was labored when they approached the stables so she slowed her to a walk as they entered the yard catching site of Trowa she smiled and stopped. When she came into view he motioned for the servant to take the horse. Coming forward he lifted his hands to help her down. He had such a strange look of his face as he looked up into her flushed laughing one.   
  
"Congratulations Trowa. I suppose I should have known better than to try and take on a gundam pilot even on horseback." He lifted her down was it her imagination or did he hold her just a second longer than necessary before setting her on her feet. Once on her feet she smiled up at him. "Thank you I enjoyed that."   
  
He nodded. "So did I." She turned to her horse patting her sweaty neck she crooned. "What a good girl we'll get them next time." She went to reach for the reins but he was already taking them   
  
"I'll see to her."   
  
"O but.." Relena frowned slightly disappointed for some reason. "You need to get back or my efforts for discretion will be wasted."   
  
She glanced toward the house and sighed. "I suppose your right I worry Milliardo enough as it is." She turned back and smiled. "Can we do this again some time?" He studied her intently before nodding. "Perhaps."   
  
Relena placed her hand on his chest for balance and kissed his cheek. "Thank you." Stepping back she smiled blushing slightly at his wide eye look before taking off in a run for the house slowing she turned back to wave that's when saw a slow sweet smile relieve the solemn demeanor of his face. Slowing returning to the present she remembered thinking at the time she was glad she had followed her impulse she wouldn't have missed that smile for anything in the world.  
  
Stretching her cramped hand she closed her pad thoughtfully then smiled Trowa had a beautiful smile there was a sweetness in him that he hid from the world. Relena stood setting her sketch pad into the chair. She tiredly rubbed the side of her temple making her way to the bed she just wanted freedom from thought if anything she was more confused now than before and too weary to make sense of them they were going in circles anyway. She settled deeper into the covers and closed her eyes maybe tomorrow the answers would come. O god please let the answers come.  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Default Chapter Title

My Soul to Keep  
By Amber  
  
  
  
Trowa frowned moving deeper into the shadows of the room he had heard the whimpers start an hour ago and became concerned when they didn't abate he made to go to her but each time it appeared she would wake he drew back. Living by ones emotions was not what its cracked up to be he sighed soundlessly drawn against his better judgment he moved to the bed sat on the side. With a finger he gently moved strands of her hair back from her face she seemed peaceful at the moment he could probably go to his room after all she had made it more than clear she didn't want or need anyone. So what was he going to do he turned his head watching the sheers flutter in the breeze. Stay for as long as she let him anyway.  
  
Relena shifted anxiously it was starting again mentally cringing she tried to wake herself anything but this god please not again please don't make me watch him die again. God wasn't in an accommodating mood this night with a sense of dread she watched her nightmare happen all over again this time in living color.   
  
The mist rolled across the ground and Relena noticed with a sense of detachment how it danced and swirled around her gown as she moved forward. For a split second she wondered where she was going then the thought was lost as her sense of urgency grew. This was different it was deviating she was standing at the reception turning her eyes slowly went around the room watching the death and devastation this was her worst nightmare there was no one alive the smoke the smell of blood they were all there dead. This was her worse nightmare come true the very thing she was afraid would happen eventually they would all die because of her and she would be left alone. Lifting her hands they were covered in blood whimpering she turned looking for Heero among the wreckage but he wasn't there turning around and around she screamed out for him. When suddenly he was standing before her.   
  
Now she thought this would follow like all the other dreams Heero held his hand out reaching for her his lips moved but she couldn't hear him. Shoving her hands behind her back she ducked her head and shook no more no more. Now, now he'll fade like he always does leaving me alone. Lifting her head she stared through tear filled eyes. "Heero."   
  
"I'm here." She blinked, "I don't understand am I dreaming?" He smiled. Relena shook her head. "Now I know I'm dreaming." She lifted a trembling hand toward him then faltered hovering midway between them he took her hand and placed it on his chest. Heero she whispered causing a fresh new trail of tears to escape.   
  
He shook his head ruefully. "I never saw a woman cry as much as you I had forgotten."   
  
"O Heero I'm so."  
  
He shook his head placing a finger across her lips. "I love you Relena I'll always love you but I can't stay."   
  
"No don't leave me I can't go on without you." He stared at her sadly. "Yes you can you've always been stronger than this. Already your healing your moving on and you love me too much to make my last gift to you a useless one." He lifted her chin making her stare him in the eyes. "Live for me, for us live for those that love you as I do." He turned her and looked in the distance swiping her eyes with a hand that trembled she looked where he gestured. There sat Trowa curiously she watched herself toss and turn in the bed before she saw Trowa shift against the headboard and pull her against his chest gradually her crying stilled as his hand softly threaded through strands of her hair.   
  
She turned away. "No." Heero shrugged, "that is up to you but he loves you and you." He cupped her cheek, "care more than just a little for him already he'll take care of you and keep you safe where as I can't any longer." She shook her head. He turned her. His hands lifted and cupped her face. "You didn't kill me I made my own choices its time for you to stop hiding." His thumbs brushed away the tears, "refusing to see it won't change anything your no more blind than I am. I told you once my soul was yours let it go now. My love is always and forever yours. But for now our paths must part. Just for a little while." He brushed his lips across one eyelid then the other. "Live your life to the fullest that's the greatest gift you can give me." Relena lifted her arms and clasped them tightly around his neck trying to hold him there with her. "Goodbye Relena .."   
  
"No Heero just a little longer.. Please."   
  
"Relena I'll always love you." She pulled away to find herself holding air. "Nooo Heero wait."   
  
Relena jerked up panting she flinched when she felt something softly brush the back of her hair swinging around her eyes met Trowa's in the dim light of the room hesitating a moment she finally leaned forward burying her face in his chest and cried. Gradually her crying subsided and she lay there against his chest listening to the comforting rhythm of his heart. "He's gone she murmured, I'm alone again."   
  
"No your not I'm here." She shook her head rubbing her cheek against the soft cotton of his shirt. "No you'll leave me too in the end they all leave me." He resumed stroking her hair. "So your not going take a chance that isn't like you. You're always so full of hope." he murmured.   
  
"Its not, I am?" She sounded bewildered Trowa thought like a lost child needing reassurance. "No you're stronger than this." Her hand clenched in his shirt. "Maybe I'm tired of being always strong." She pulled away enough to look up into his eyes. "I don't know how to do it anymore." He leaned down to kiss her forehead when she shifted he brushed her mouth instead. It was hard to tell who was more surprised. Relena found it didn't hurt quite as much as she thought it would there was a bittersweet feeling but also one of comfort like a fire in the fireplace on a fall day, hot chocolate on a cold winter's night or being enfolded in a beloved blanket watching the rain fall outside your window.   
  
Trowa searched her face intently watching the emotions flicker back and forth. "You don't want this," he said flatly. Her mouth quirked slightly before she leaned in again pausing long enough for him to realize her intent she lifted a shaky hand to brush back his bangs watching his eyes widen. "You can see."   
  
"Some things better than others," she whispered enigmatically before her lips kissed his entreatingly. Pulling back she waited until his eyes met hers and held. There was an odd light there. "You will regret this." She tilted her head. "Will you," she asked inaudibly suddenly feeling on shaky ground?   
  
"Only if you do," he said in a level voice. Leaning in she covered his mouth sealing their pact with a kiss. She pulled slightly away her breathing loud and fast and waited slowly his eyelids fluttered and opened she bit her lip shivering at the hunger and something to complex for words a need for reassurance, a wistfulness. Her face softened and the look in her eyes shifted subtly becoming languid, dreamy murmuring nonsense she shifted. Both hands came up to trace his face closing his eyes he felt full overwhelmed his chest hurt so much from feeling so many things at once. He was loosing that ability to analyze it because her hands they felt so delicate and soft drifting over his face, his lips before slipping through silky hair he felt her palm cup his cheek and hold him before sliding on it was almost like she was memorizing him through her hands.   
  
Dazedly he realized her thumb was stroking feather light over the soft lines of his forehead, temple and cheek, and even over one eyelid. Relena smiled when she watched his lashes flutter they were long and thick. Eye lashes like that on a man should be outlawed she lightly brushed her thumb across them. She shivered it felt soft and intimate against the pad of her thumb. Taking his hand she lifted it to her face tilting her head sideways she paused adsorbing the feel of his palm against her cheek. Retracing her earlier actions with his hand her eyes fluttered and closed. She lost herself to the sensation releasing a breathy sigh she turned to nestle her lips in the center of his palm, nuzzling there softly before forcing lids that seemed incredibly heavy to lift and focus once more. She blushed at the intensity of his gaze she felt muscles along his length trembled and flexed, his whole body responding to the intimate touch of her own. He shifted without thought tightening his hold upon her, drawing her in closer towards the shivering aching planes of his body. He rolled them until both were enveloped in a curtain of silky gold hair. Her satiny flesh beneath his hands inflamed him, hypnotically he slid his hand under her shirt stroking her skin with an intense absorption, moving higher along the tender curve of her spine until he reached her shoulders cupping them both he pulled her close his whispered words stirred her hair and lashes setting off another round of trembling.   
  
"One last chance," his voice trailed off in uncertainty.. He watched her closely trying to see into her very soul past the look of innocent affection and needy longing. It wasn't love in the degree he needed but she was well on her way and for now that was enough he had a chance and one day he would have it all convinced gradually the lines of tension and worry slowly dissipated as a slow half smile curved his lips. Watching eyes of midnight blue draw closer and closer his whole world narrowed into savoring the emotion he saw within those eyes.   
  
He leaned against the terrace doors watching the gradual lightening of the sky the swirl of grays, bronze and reds gradually shifting into a hint of gold the sun would be up soon he shifted until his eyes could also see the slender figure sleeping so peacefully. A rueful smile crossed his face about the intelligence of leaving the warmth and comfort she offered to brood at the dawn. Still there was that tiny niggling doubt that the peace and love he found within her arms was all about to come crashing down around his head when she woke. He wasn't a coward but the temptation to slip away before she could break his heart was strong all his doubts coupled with every word of caution Catherine and Quatre uttered replayed in slow motion since he woke earlier. Pushing off the door jam he moved trance like toward the bed his choice made long ago it wasn't the time for doubts at this stage. Staring down his eyes softly caressed her slender form clearly outlined under the silken sheet he closed his eyes and swallowed against a sudden tightness in his throat as he relived the hours in her arms. Opening his eyes he unbuttoned his jeans and let them drop to the floor no he made his choice and god help him he couldn't find it in him to regret it pulling back the sheet he joined her. Almost like a prearranged signal she rolled over reaching out for him, he in turn pulled her against his chest turning his head he drew in the sweet smell of her hair before willing his mind to blank and return to the realm of half wish's and dreams.  
  
  
Relena gradually swum up through the depths of cotton wrapped around a mind still thick with sleep too drowsy and sated to understand why this morning felt so different why waking was such a effort. She stretched a little eyes slowly fluttered then opened to slits before widening at the smooth muscular chest that filled her sight. Slowly shifting out from under his arm she slid to the side of the bed clasping the sheet to her chest she searched inward for regret or shame no there was a bittersweet feel maybe it was in part the weird dream and Heero's blessing or maybe it was simply Trowa's persistence wormed his way into her heart. Relena absently rubbed her temple what ever the reason she decided she was tired of analyzing everything it was giving her a headache she just wanted to enjoy this new found feeling while it lasted. Moving from the bed she walked to the balcony and let the suns golden rays warm her before her gaze rose to take in the glory of the sun lifting into the sky for the first time in almost a year. Glancing over her shoulder she watched Trowa sleep on his face curiously innocent in repose and for some reason she wanted this moment to last just a little longer before his mask descended once more. Relena sighed before moving to the chair and shrugging into her robe it was still early maybe she could make it to the kitchen and bring them some breakfast without anyone noticing.  
  
  
Relena quietly nudge the door open she had already been gone longer than she would have liked but once Quatre's servants found out they could do something for you it almost took a army in itself to get them to let you go with only what " you" felt you needed. She looked down at the breakfast tray and smiled they prepared enough for three people she kept studying their faces intently to see if they knew something about her unexpected guest but if they knew she couldn't tell. She nudged it closed with her foot and turned expecting him to be asleep she paused disconcerted. "O you're awake."   
  
He was standing by the chair she usually sat in to sketch silent and dressed there was something in the room that made her uneasy. She moved into the room sitting the tray on the table turning slowly she fiddled with the tie on her robe stalling she was no good with these things and for the first time she wished herself a normal girl with more experience behind her to ease both of their awkwardness.   
  
"Trowa." She whispered slowly moving around him until she faced him. Relena frowned he appeared to have been in the process of getting dressed he stood there his shirt half buttoned looking down he wouldn't meet her eyes. She bit her lip, "what's wrong?" At his continued silence she shook her head and turned moving toward the balcony she pushed the door open and stared blindly out. "I should have known give me political intrigue and I'm fine the do's and don'ts of relationships and I'm lost." She sensed his movement before she felt him wrap his arms around her and pull her back against him.   
  
Trowa closed his eyes laying his cheek against top of her head he confessed. "I thought you were gone." Relena smiled timidly relaxing tensed muscles. "I thought I'd get us breakfast before anyone was stirring but as with all things with Quatre's help." Her hand waved around for a description then just settled that he would understand. "It became more involved." Trowa turned her until she was facing him tilting her face up with his knuckle he stared at her solemnly. Whatever he saw must have reassured him but Relena realized wherever they went from here they still had long way to go. As long as they had known of one another it wasn't going to be enough they needed to get to know each other. Her hand rose to cup his face. "I always seem to get involved with someone backwards the deep end first." She dropped her hand to fiddle with the buttons on his shirt. "I want to do this right."   
  
"There is no wrong or right."   
  
"I know but this is too important isn't it?" She searched his face intently for understanding. He smiled, "you want a courtship."   
  
She smiled wryly; "well I wouldn't want you to think I'm easy." Trowa's mouth quirked in a half smile and he replied dryly. "I would never associate you with easy."   
  
She frowned thoughtfully, "I suppose your right." He cupped her face lightly brushing his lips against hers. "That's all right I'm not sure I would know how to react with simple anyway."  
  
  
  
The Epilogue  
  
The door swung inward bumping against the wall from the force sighing he swung around he had been expecting this. He impassively watched her stride toward him. "Enough already we're running behind someone has to go get her." He shrugged, "then send someone up there to get her."  
  
She stared at him compassionately, "wont you go?" He turned back and stared across the manicured lawns. "She doesn't need me babying her she's made that perfectly clear."  
  
"How long are you going to keep this wall of silence between the two of you?" She moved closer stroking her hand soothingly up and down his back. "You're the only one being stubborn about this, you'll regret it later she'll need you today more than ever." His head dropped a sheath of silken hair hiding his expression; before he abruptly straightened making his choice. Dropping a kiss on her forehead he turned and left the room.   
  
"Well?" She jumped and turned to the double doors at the other end of the room. She took in his stylish suit, braided hair and impish grin with a smile of approval. "What was that?"   
  
He smirked again knowingly, "is the iceman thawing?"  
  
Her lips twitched but she forced a frown to hide the twinkle in her eye. "Behave please don't antagonize him today of all days this is difficult enough for him." Duo smiled and held up two fingers to signal peace. "I'm not promising anything afterwards though." She rolled her eyes heavenward men. "That will have to do."  
  
  
Zechs pushed the door open and then closed it but it might as well been a slam for all the notice she gave he could hear her humming as the morning the light poured into the room and for a second it almost seemed like a halo blazed above her hair. He smiled wryly he knew more than any just how misleading that assumption was. He shoved his hands in his pockets and moved close enough to see. "You're good." She jumped swinging around a smile blossomed across her face before comprehension turned it into panic.  
  
"I'm late." He shrugged, "cutting it close they sent in reinforcements." Relena stared at him silently taking in his troubled face before turning back to the painting. "You think so?" He frowned a second trying to make the switch before the realization set in on what she meant. Staring at the canvas objectively he had to admit she caught her subject with sensitivity and perception that made it better than good but an excellent likeness as much as it galled him to admit it.  
  
"Yes."   
  
"I was just putting a few finishing touches on it." She nibbled her lip nervously. He smiled the first genuine smile since this fiasco was announced. "I really think so. It's truly incredible it's him." She started cleaning her brush then set it aside packing up as best as she could.   
  
"Are you sure about this Relena?" She paused then continued wiping her hands on a towel she pulled off her work shirt before she turned to meet his worried eyes. She smiled, "I love you." She moved close enough to hug him. "Thank you for caring."   
  
"I just think that." She leaned back and smiled and when she smiled like that it would take a stronger man than him to ruin it. "Please don't worry." He sighed surrendering he jerked his head. "Go get ready I'll have a servant place the painting in the reception hall." She smiled squeezing his waist once more before turning to hurry across the room. "O tell them to."   
  
"I know I'll tell them to be careful. Hurry I'll send that horde up to help you first Winner, now you maybe Schibecker will get that baka Maxwell to the alter as well." He smirked at the image. "Milliardo," she chided. "What? I haven't broken my promise yet." She shook her head and smiled.  
  
  
  
The music swelled and she could barely contain herself clenching her hand on his arm he looked down at her before covering her hand with his. Relena looked up and smiled standing on her tiptoes she kissed his cheek before leaning in to press her cheek against his. "I will always need you in my life I love you my beloved brother never forget that." She whispered as she pulled back. Smoothing his hair back she smiled at him tremulously. "Be happy for me."   
  
Zechs took her hand and kissed her knuckles gently, "you look beautiful. "Mother and father would be so proud. Be happy Relena that's all I've ever wanted for you a happy life." He tilted his head toward the closed doors as the music swelled. "It's time." He helped her arrange her veil before they turned and moved as one through the doors.   
  
  
"Are you all right?" She slipped her arm through his as they watched Relena turn and wave energetically. He smiled ruefully, "how could I stand against that smile?" He frowned at the mish mash of decorations trailing behind the limo. "I see Maxwell managed to make a menace of himself after all I thought Schibecker was going to keep him under control."   
  
Lucrezia laughed, "well she kept him away from you." He frowned, "he's a menace. he muttered. She squeezed his arm. "Cheer up it could be worse he could be your brother in law."   
  
He glared, "don't joke." She laughed. He turned staring at the direction Relena and Trowa had departed. "Zechs?" She frowned. "We should go the reception will be starting they'll be looking for us." He clasped her hand silently still staring in the distance. "Zechs she'll be fine."   
  
"Yes."   
  
She smiled softly; "we're not loosing her." He finally glanced at her and smiled bending down he kissed her. "I guess it took me a while to realize those we love make the journey through life bearable and no one would willingly leave that behind especially her." He smiled ruefully; "forgive me for being so stubborn?"   
  
"Hmm maybe we could negotiate that later." Zechs laughed, "I look forward to it."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Author note: This got away from me and started writing itself I confess I'm not sure how I feel about that. Some may feel the characters are OOC well if so my apologies this is what came out and well I confess it's different enough that I like it.  



End file.
